Great North Run

I feel compelled to tell the story I have from the Great North Run today.


After feeling the pain early on I decided to power-walk it instead. Not far after the 4 mile mark there was a little kid in an England shirt ran onto the course shouting 'Purpley!' and dived at me shouting 'Monster Cuddles!!'. He very quickly asked if I could carry him along for a little while, to which I agreed so long as his parents consented, they quickly agreed on the proviso that they could walk along with me.


At this point I picked him up with my remaining good arm after I'd knackered my left arm out at the gym. I also made sure to carry him near to the crowd so he could high-five a few people. All the way through he was announcing to anyone that would listen that I was Christian an I was his hero, every time he said that I told him that he was my hero too because he was making me feel awesome. When it got to the time to put him down (about 0.3 miles after I'd picked him up), he got a runners magazine from his Dad and asked for my autograph, naturally I signed it for him with the side note to always be awesome.


Thinking that was it I let him go back to his parents and started to continue my walk. His Mum caught up and told me that his name was Jermaine, and I'd just made his and his familys day, particularly as he's a huge fan of running. As the conversation continued on she mentioned that he was set to turn 8 on the 29th of this month, but isn't expected to hit 9, as he's got an aggresive form of lung cancer, she also made mention that a lot of people running for other Cancer charities (I was running for KidsCan), had ignored him when he'd even asked for a high 5, and that she thinks he'd approached me because I was wearing a Purple t-shirt and that's his favourite colour. I ended up getting a hug from his Mother, and made a promise that no matter how much it hurt I'd finish the race for Jermaine.


After that humbling experience I also made a silent promise to myself, no matter how much I wanted to cry I was going to wait till I crossed the finish line, and sure enough as soon as I saw Elaine I burst into tears, I know I'm not a celebrity or anything, but that 7 year old boy just saw people running a half marathon and thought we were all celebrities, so to know I made his day has made my day as well.


Jermaine - that one was for you.

Improving..........

So, after a hiatus of 8 months, I now shock the world with a second blog in as many days - who'd have thunk it? What I will say is that I'll try and make this one a bit more light-hearted than the last one, but with how everything's going on at the minute in my life the big D is probably going to make an appearance - so lets get that one out of the way first shall we?

Depression

As I said yesterday - I'm in a part of my life where I'd say one of the biggest 'black clouds' has descended on me, many sleepless nights, time spent just feeling utterly helpless and yes a few tears have been shed. After sleeping a grand total of 3 hours last night I took my GP up on the offer of another week off work, even though I should be physically exhausted I'm not, but mentally I am, and in that sort of state I'm not going to be of any use there.

I did make a decision this morning however - I'm going to spend this week doing as many things I find fun as possible, this is probably meaning reading, going to the Gym, hunting down music that makes me smile (or at least realise I'm not on my own in this), catching up on DVD box-sets and spending time with friends, from now on in on this entry at least, I'll focus on all of those.

Recovery

I'm going to split this entry up into each of the bits I mentioned above, and see what we can come up with:

Reading

I've immersed myself in my graphic novels again, as well as reading Tokyo Year Zero by David Peace (he of The Damned United fame), and it has to be said I'm finding it very therapeutic, with normal novels I find it great to just imagine the world the authors created and putting your own face to the characters you're reading about, and I find it a lot easier to forget my troubles when I'm reading a book like that. Graphic Novels-wise well its a lot easier, I may be turning 31 soon but I don't class myself as fully grown up yet, graphic novels are my main link to my childhood when it was all an easier time, at the minute its the Runaways and Scott Pilgrim providing that link, and for that I'm thankful.

Going to the Gym

Any frustrations I have with the world are easily killed by a visit to the gym, get me on the weight machines with my ipod blasting out some angry music and I'm away. I do have a confession to make however, its been a long time since I've been to the gym which for some random bloke in the street is fine but in 6 and a half weeks I'll be entering the Great North Run (sponsor me!), its going to be knackering so I need to get my ass going again, but an hours workout this morning felt great, so I think we'll be back for another go tomorrow!

Hunting down music

Rather than explain why music in general is good I'm going to post a few youtube links followed with comments on why I feel they're helping me, so here goes nothing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMLCrzy9TEs - I had a bit of a nasty end to 2007 and the first song in 2008 that really made me smile was this one, and it still does today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQHv-fhHq9Y - listen to the comments people are making in the background and then just the general feel of the song, this is the one that makes me realise I'm not alone in all of this, this is helped by the fact I fecking love 30 Secons to Mars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHkj804LCl0 - 90's cheese, made awesome by one poker night and singing it loud at 1am with my mate Paul, you can't ask for much more than that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic-Na--7_NI - Because almost any cheer-up mix of mine is going to have some Oasis in it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqU-LYq1kE4 - one of the first bands I got in to was Yellowcard and the Breakfast Club is one of my all time favourite movies, there's no way this wasn't getting added.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44xirQ55IgA - I'm a Manchester United fan and in November 2008 I did the Old Trafford Tour - they had a huge video wall playing the events of the day of the Champions League final that year, and listening to it just gives me that feeling of being able to take anyone on.

DVD Box-sets

Simply put whenever I've got spare time I've finally got around to watching Season 1 of Smallville, only 9 more to go!

Spending time with friends

Last night I went to see Inception with Elaine and had a great 2 hours forgetting the world. This Friday there's a Rock-Band/Guitar Hero night at mine where I believe my friends Ali, Clare and Paul are coming along and if Rich ever answers any of his texts then it could be 5 of us!

Right - thats me done for now, however I get a feeling there'll be a lot more of these blogs coming along.

Depression and me

Right, I'm sat here right now, with the computer on my lap, and the Charity Shield on TV in the background.

I've not posted anything in what seems like an age, mainly because my interest in blogging waned very quickly. However here I am on a Sunday afternoon typing away, and why? I hear you ask - because this sort of thing is supposedly very therapeutic for my condition, which you'll all now know what it is by the title of this post, but I'm guessing most of you weren't aware until now.

So to put it simply, I suffer from depression, its a nasty, soul-sucking affliction that can affect anyone at any time, and at times will remain dormant before flaring up again and dragging the person suffering with it back down, Sadly over the past 2-3 weeks its reared its ugly head with me again to the point last weekend where I totaled approximately 10 hours sleep from Friday night to Monday morning due to sitting wide awake in bed feeling upset to the point of tears but with nothing to point out that triggered it all.

This has naturally affected my work in which I never went in last week as it was a struggle to even get out of bed let alone leave the house, however I built up the courage to go to my GP's where its been described as a moderate-high incident and the prescribed treatment? Up my medication from 20mg to 30mg, now I can understand why she did this, I've been very flat at 20mg and although to the outside world I put on a face of happiness and that nothings wrong, deep down inside I knew I was hurting, as I type I know that I'm feeling no better than I did this time last week, I also know that if I rang my GP's office in the morning they'd give me a note to take another week off without an appointment, and although I'm loathe to do that its looking more and more likely due to the fact that I'm still having regular incidents where I zone out completely or just sit there nearly in tears about nothing.

However I have 2 worries about being off sick this week, firstly I went to collect my glasses from Asda the same day I went to see the GP (kill 2 birds with 1 stone and all that), and with Asda being across the road from work someone saw me walking in and we had a conversation, now I bluffed it by saying I had a virus and was off to give my medication a chance to kick in, but if I'm then not back till a week on Monday people are going to think either I'm taking liberties at work or they're going to realize its something more severe going on and start asking questions which I wouldn't want to answer (As it stands only a couple of colleagues and my managers know whats going on, I just find it easier that way). Secondly Elaine is back in Scotland from Tomorrow Morning till Wednesday Evening, and as silly as it sounds my loneliest and most black moments seem to occur in the evening, with 2 nights on my own I fear they'll be even worse.

Onto the reason for posting this blog, is to get my feelings out about how depression affects me and the way I am during these bleak times. There are 2 explanations of what I think depression does to you, well me at least and you may feel its different, but this is how I feel this affliction takes on me.

Firstly there's a feeling that the real me is stuck in a box inside me trying to get out but my condition won't allow me. I know that there's nothing wrong currently, I know that I shouldn't be getting upset at times, but that doesn't stop me going down the road of feeling upset, its almost like most of the time I'm stuck in that box screaming out that everything's ok, but my illness is causing my overall psyche to be that of someone who's going through a hard time.

Secondly its like my condition is a bully ensuring I don't do the things I want. I always remember in Primary School I was playing football with friends and there was a kid came up who wasn't liked by anyone in our group and he asked to play, the other kids told him he couldn't play as the game had already started and we had enough players already, his response? 'If you don't let me play I'm going to bully Christian all through the game.' The kids stood their ground and I spent the rest of the break time being tripped up, punched in the arm and called names, this meant that I pretty much didn't play in that particular game, sure I was on one of the teams, got the ball a couple of times, but I played nowhere near as good as I could have and I feel at times my depression is that bully - it comes in and knocks me for 6 leaving me almost scared to do things I'd want to do, I mean I got invited to go watch the Charity Shield game in town but just couldn't force myself to go out there and face the world again, and I know I'd be there and trying my best to enjoy the event but it'd be nowhere near as enjoyable as normal times I go out.

Right I think I'd better end this here before I start to get myself upset again, however it does feel good to have gotten some of my thoughts out.

Welcome to the blog.....

I've been putting off writing this column/blog for a while due to work commitments and yours truly being one of the laziest people you'll ever meet. Anyway I thought the first column I'd write should really give anyone who's stumbled across this page through my shameless advertising or mis-clicking a link, a taste of what's to come with my ramblings, my general idea on the big 2 of TNA and WWE (see, I've called TNA big in the first paragraph of the first ever column, and people thought I wouldn't be looking for controversy), and a little bit about your host with a certain amount of talent but not the most, with that all said lets get onto my rantings with..........

Introductions

Firstly there's me, I be Christian, 30 years old, English/Scottish/Dutch and got my first taste of wrestling when I was around about 5 or 6 and used to watch it on a Saturday afternoon on ITV, they used to alternate back then, 1 week it'd be American wrestling, the next it'd be the UK stuff, and it was always on right after Saint and Greavsie, which I think is possibly the only reason I ever managed to catch the show and get hooked - damn you Jimmy Greaves, Ian St. John and your witty football show, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have spent all that money and time on Wrestling related merchandise, tickets and clothing, and I probably wouldn't have spent £36 on tickets for me and a mate to go see 'Big Time American Wrestling' next year just a fortnight after I've been to TNA - My bank blames you, my parents blame you, Vince McMahon loves you, I blame you but I suppose thanks is in order as well - because if it wasn't for you I'd have never gotten to see Kamala all those years down the line, and that would have been very bad indeed.

With regards my wrestling tastes, I like it either ridiculously cheesy (Kamala, Boogeyman, Rosey as the S.H.I.T. - all genius gimmicks in my eyes), or hardcore actual wrestling, he's a little shit but I respect Michaels in the ring, Bret Hart is the hero of my childhood, Chris Benoit although the biggest arse in wrestling hell at the minute, could make a good match out of nothing, I still miss Eddie Guerrero and right now Chris Jericho could walk down to the ring, lay a big steaming Canadian poop, walk out without saying a word and I'd still cheer him.

Then there's Elaine who's 22 and Scottish and from this moment on will forever be called 'Our Lass' - she won't actually be writing in this column personally mind but rest assured she's someone I'll reference a lot. Our Lass, shares some of my opinions in wrestling but not all, she believes like I do that Chris Jericho is the second coming, that John Cena needs to turn heel as soon as wrestling-ly possible, that DX are way too old to actually be DX anymore and that if they get pushed properly The Hart Dynasty could go on to greatness.

She however I'd say at times is a more hardcore fan than I am, (she buys FSM every month), then at times I'd class her as more casual than I am, in that she's only really watched for the last couple of years ever since we got together and before then it was the early 2000's she used to watch it.

The reason I'm mentioning her, is because I'll probably refer to her at times in the column, particularly her opinion on things that've happened that may differ to mine, just be aware of one thing, comment anything bad about Matt Hardy and she'll be round your gaff with a frying pan faster than you can say V-1aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Right now on with the show.........

WWE and why they're struggling to keep me interested

If online reports are to be believed, the all-seeing Vinnie Mac has decided that Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler should both be de-pushed, Swagger you could see it starting with little things like the qualifying matches for the Battle Royal last week, he ended up in a 6-man tag match and who were his partners? Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters - you know you're not winning when the moob-shaker's one of your tag partners.

In my eyes WWE are wrong to de-push these 2, they're both young and extremely talented, and both work great as heels, its easily said that booked right they could be huge stars in the next couple of years and easily be seen as top heels or given the right storyline they could even be stars as faces, but it seems that WWE have different ideas about who should be getting the 'new star push'.

This is what's keeping me as well though, look at the recent pushes of Sheamus, John Morrison, The Miz, Kofi Kingston and Drew Mcintyre, all of them seem to be going along fine - particularly Sheamus who's already in a PPV Main Event title match, some people would say that Sheamus has been pushed too quickly or that he's only up there because he's training buddies with HHH, but its also something different, which is what WWE's needed for a long time. Then look at times like the Match between Rey and Morrison for the IC title earlier this year, Morrison could finally be getting somewhere within WWE, and although I can't point to any specific incidents the Miz and Drew Mcintyre are both impressing me week in, week out.

Some people are possibly wondering right now why I didn't mention Kofi Kingston in that. This'll be because his most impressive moment of this year was blighted by my biggest gripe with WWE at the minute - the PG rating. A few weeks ago when Roddy Piper was guest host at MSG they had what has to be said a segment that I think made Kingston as a main-eventer, Randy Orton and Kingston fought all over the building, ending with Kofi doing his boom-drop to Orton from one of the guard rails. However that segment could have been so much better if Orton and the camera-men didn't have to do everything they could to block the fact that Orton was bleeding getting out to us viewers at home, imagine if you would that segment again, with the blood being allowed to be shown, it would've added another factor to what was already a great angle. Let the wrestlers go back to being themselves, Let them show injuries that they've received, you'll find that your product will be a lot better for it.

TNA - on the edge

If you'd have asked me a few weeks ago my thoughts on TNA they'd have been very similar to what they are now, with one big exception, I'd be 100% excited for the future of the company - however they've now signed Terry Bollea, and Bollea is only interested in one thing, that isn't TNA, its making sure that his better known name stays in the spotlight for as long as possible, that name, is Hulk Hogan.

Hearing online stories from backstage, watching some of the segments on TV, and reading about certain wrestlers leaving, hell the main feeling I get with TNA is simple - WCW oh how we haven't missed you, you've got Hogan who's got a reputation of looking out for number one and flexing his power backstage to get things his way, a lot of ex-WWE people as part of the roster, segments that quite literally are embarrassing to watch and a lot of reports of people wanting to quit (most recently 5 people wanted to quit, its reported that 2 of them were Frankie Kazarian and Homicide), the place looks like a mess.

But then look at the young and/or up-coming talent they have, to name a few: Desmond Wolfe (Nigel McGuinness), Motor City Machine Guns, Beer Money Inc, British Invasion, Amazing Red, AJ Styles, Daniels, Samoa Joe, D'Angelo Dineiro, Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed. If TNA get the mix of established stars like Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Sting, Scott Steiner, Team 3D (The Dudleyz), and if he controls himself Hulk Hogan, then they can have an amazing company on their hands, at the minute its not so great, and one of the main reasons is storylines or lack of, take for example the next paragraph.

At the last TNA PPV the main event was AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs, Daniels for the TNA World Heavyweight title – the previous PPV Daniels and Samoa Joe both lost, Daniels was on-screen friends with Styles (and off-screen they're best friends), Styles retained the title and then because of comments Styles and Daniels had off camera about the title all of a sudden Daniels is a heel – why not show us the heel turn on screen, have Daniels lay Styles out in the middle of the ring, or at least cut a promo in the ring but instead, he's just a heel one week without any decent explanation behind it.

Also look at how title matches are usually made, they're usually just announced out of nowhere, no feud, no promo's, just a match announced out of the blue, it smacks of the writers not having long term plans for anyone, and the sad thing is on screen, it looks like a small-time company not knowing what they're doing.

The other sad thing is that anyone with a bit of wrestling knowledge can probably guess some of the storylines, take this weeks Impact – Kristal faked an injury to make sure that Lashley got through to the next round of the tournament, didn't Sharmell do just that a few years ago to ensure her husband Booker T (who was a face at the time), won the US title, I'm calling it now, Lashley will turn heel, showing that he knew what Kristal was doing all the time and only wanted the belt, at which point Dixie Carter'll squeal with delight as her dream of Bobby Lashley walking out on an MMA show holding the TNA World title.

But as negative as I've been about TNA, I think they've got the potential to be a great company, they just need to make sure that they keep the good matches coming, stop with the shots at WWE and worry about their own product, and then if you're very lucky Santa will bring you another 'Monday Night War' which at the minute will probably be best for the wrestling industry as a whole.

The Finish

So there you go, first column shot out of the way, you've probably noticed that there wasn't one mention of any of the 'Divas' or 'Knockouts' – that's for another column, which'll most definitely be titled 'Alyssa Flash and why I'm going to marry her', but for now I've been your host, you've been my readers, and I've been better than you.